How to Be a Better Listener

If you want to be a better listener, the first thing you must realize is that listening is different from hearing. Hearing refers to the sounds around us that we perceive. Listening is focusing on those sounds and being aware of the verbal and non-verbal messages being communicated.  Think about it; when you are having a conversation with someone, would you rather have them “hear” you or “listen” to you?

Mark Twain once said, “If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.”

Here are some suggestions to make the most of your ears and become a better listener.

Get rid of distractions. Think of a time you were trying to have a meaningful conversation with someone and they either kept looking away, continued to work on their computer, or were obviously more interested in their phone than you. A good listener puts everything aside and gives the speaker their whole attention. Distractions signal to your friends that you are either disinterested or bored and make them less inclined to share their thoughts with you. Remember, multi-tasking and listening at the same time is not possible.

Pay attention to non-verbal messages. Speaking involves much more than words. Three people could say the same sentence and give off three completely different messages depending on their tone, body language, and facial expressions. Listening involves using your ears AND eyes.

Avoid judgment. We tend to seek listeners who are unconditional in their love and friendship. If we have a hard situation to discuss with someone, we’ll go to someone who we know will still love us no matter what. A good listener won’t jump to conclusions and is kind, even when they don’t agree with the opinions/thoughts of the speaker. Be aware of the messages you are giving off verbally or through your body language.

Wait to respond. It isn’t necessary to talk or immediately give advice as soon as there is a pause in the conversation or the person finishes their story. First, it may prevent us from fully listening since we’re formulating our response and second, the person may not be seeking advice or a solution at all; they may just need a soundboard for listening. Wait a moment before speaking, and make sure you give advice only when asked for.

Be engaged. After you have put away all your distractions, situate yourself so you are facing the speaker and maintain eye contact throughout. Be actively involved in listening by nodding your head, using sounds and words like, “uh-huh,” “interesting,” or  “oh, really,” and ask clarifying questions. Use appropriate body language and facial expressions.

Listening is a skill that must be refined throughout our lives. It takes time and practice. If you ever wonder how else you can become a better listener, follow the golden rule of listening – “Listen to others as you would have them listen to you.”

Sources:
Cortright, Susie M. "10 Tips to Effective & Active Listening Skills." Power to Change. Power to Change Ministries, n.d. Web. 15 July 2013. <http://powertochange.com/students/people/listen/>.

"Listening Skills - The 10 Principles of Listening." Skills You Need. SkillsYouNeed.com, n.d. Web. 15 July 2013. <http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/listening-skills.html>.

Sibert, Debbie. "How to Be a Better Listener Tools to Strengthen Families." FamilyShare. FamilyShare, 13 July 2013. Web. 15 July 2013. <http://familyshare.com/how-to-be-a-better-listener>.

"Tips on How to Become a Better Listener." The University of North Carolina. The University of North Carolina, n.d. Web. 15 July 2013. <http://speakingcenter.uncg.edu/resources/tipsheets/activelistening/TipsonHowtoBecomeaBetterListener.pdf>.