Improving Communication

In 2004, The Maryland Community College's Soar Program compiled excellent information and exercises to improve communication. Follow the link to read the full article: "Keys to Better Communication." Learn to increase communication and enhance relationships  by applying their suggested skills.

#1. Active Listening

Active listening involves being open, setting aside your own feelings momentarily, and trying to

understand what the person is saying. To listen actively you must:

• Put yourself in the other person's place.
• Show understanding and acceptance.
• Restate the person's concerns in your own words.
• Don't interrupt.
• Maintain eye contact.
• Listen carefully.
• How well do you actively listen? What could you do to improve?

#2. Using "I messages"

"I messages" communicate how you feel about a situation and what you expect of the other person.

Unlike "You messages," which blame, accuse, and label people, "I messages" get the message

across without putting the other person on the defensive. Consider the following example which

shows the difference between a "You message" and an "I message:"

(You message) "You are so inconsiderate, coming home this late and not even calling me!"

(I message) "I get very worried when you come home late and don't call me. In the future, please

call me and tell me when you're going to be late."

Exercise: How to construct an "I message:"

"I feel________________________________________________________________

(state the emotion you are feeling, ex: hurt, angry, disappointed, upset, etc.)

when you ______________________________________________________________

(state the facts about what the person did or said)

and I want______________________________________________________________.

(state what you expect or want from the person )

#3. Timing

It is important to use good timing when bringing up a conflict situation or when discussing difficult

issues in an attempt to resolve a conflict. In general, it is best to discuss issues or conflicts when:

• You are alone in a private setting with the person with whom you have the conflict.
• You and the other person have ample time to talk.
• You and the other person are rested and generally feeling good.

DO NOT discuss conflict issues when you or the other person involved are angry, tired, upset,

and/or under any unusual stress.

Conflicts escalate or grow bigger when 

• people take sides.
• people feel threatened.
• people have no interest in working it out.
• there is an increase in acting out anger, fear, frustration, etc.
• people's needs are not met.
• people lack the skills and awareness to resolve conflict.

Conflicts de-escalate when

• people focus on the problem, not the people involved.
• emotions are expressed, not acted out.
• threats are eliminated.
• people cooperate.
• needs are discussed.
• people use peacemaking skills, meaning communication skills.
• What changes, if any, do you need to make in the area of timing?

Follow the link to watch an address given by President Clark regarding Student Living: Student Living

Follow the link to learn more about communicating effectively from the BYUI Student Counseling Webpage: Assertiveness


Soar Program. Resolving Conflicts Through Resolution. Maryland Community College. Retrieved February 26, 2013, from www.mayland.edu/aca111/ConflictModule

Keep Your Smile In Style

Maintaining oral hygiene is hardly a morning and bedtime brushing routine to be overlooked. Taking care of your pearly whites can bring not only physical benefits but emotional benefits as well.

The National Institutes of Health provides steps to maintain healthy teeth and gums including questions to ask your dentist at your next dental visit. They are as follows:

Steps for healthy teeth and gums:

• Brush your teeth at least twice daily, preferably after every meal and at bedtime.
• Floss at least once per day.
• Schedule an appointment with a dentist for a routine cleaning and examination. Many dentists recommend having the teeth professionally cleaned every 6 months.
• Keep dentures, retainers, and other appliances clean. This includes regular brushing and may include soaking them in a cleansing solution.

Ask your dentist:

• What toothbrush you should use, and where your problem areas are located. Ask if an electric tooth brush is right for you. Such brushes have been shown to clean teeth better than manual tooth brushes.
• How to properly floss your teeth. Overly vigorous or improper flossing may injure the gums.
• Whether you should use any special appliances or tools, such as water irrigation. This may sometimes help supplement (but not replace) brushing and flossing.
• Whether you could benefit from particular toothpastes or mouth rinses. In some cases, over-the-counter pastes and rinses may be doing you more harm than good, depending on your condition.

Fun facts about smiles: 

In March 2011 at a TED Conference, Ron Gutman stated the following fun facts and emotional benefits of a smile, 

• Reduce the level of stress enhancing hormones like cortisol, adrenaline, and dopamine
• Increase the level of mood enhancing hormones like endorphins and reduce blood pressure. 
• Increase physical appearance in the eyes of others. 
• Appear to be more likable, courteous, and competent.
• An average child smiles 400 times per day.
• Mimicking a smile and experiencing it physically help an individual understand whether the smile is fake or real, helping us better understand the emotional state of the [smiling individual].

References:

Ron Gutman: The hidden power of smiling | Video on TED.com. TED: Ideas worth spreading. Retrieved February 13, 2013, from http://www.ted.com/talks/ron_gutman_the_hidden_power_of_smiling.html

Dental care - adult: MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia. (n.d.). National Library of Medicine - National Institutes of Health. Retrieved February 13, 2013, from http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency